

I believe that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise." - Margaret Atwood
Obituary
Vanessa May was a beloved friend, mother, sister, aunt and 'nessa' (to her grandchildren). She touched the lives of so many over her too short time in 'this universe.' She will be remembered for so many reasons. Her intellect, empathy, sense of fun and unerring determination to have a life well lived despite many obstacles were inspirations to so many who knew her. She was born in Centralia, Illinois on 24 June 1953, to Bob and Betty May, the second of four children (siblings Linda, Jim and Ricky). She was always proud to tell people she met how many US states she had lived in and the much greater number she had travelled through. At age 18 she married Michael Hogue, and soon after gave birth to her only child - a daughter, Kara Leigh. She made the most of being a young woman in California in the 1970s, seeing iconic bands, partying with celebrities, and later becoming a bartender who served in such eclectic costumes as Carmen Miranda, Snow Queen and Wicked Wanda. In late 1986 she moved across the country from California to Florida, where her first cancer hit. Recovery was long, but during that time she found a new love - computers and data. Using these skills, she was able to orchestrate a move to the United Kingdom in late 2005 to join her daughter Kara and her family - most specifically, her newly arrived first grandchild, Sophia Caroline. She built a career in the UK which culminated in her role as lead data architect for Royal Mail - and amazing achievement for a mature, purple haired lady in a wheelchair! Outside of work, she became an integral part of the science fiction fandom community in the UK, serving on multiple committees and even in the role of chair for major conventions, including multiple WorldCons. She had so many other loves and hobbies - lego (of every size, shape and complexity), purple (epitomised in her luscious locks), butterflies (after her name), cooking (but never baking!). She never let her ambitions for fun and adventure be dented by the wheelchair she used. She travelled extensively across Europe with her daughter and visiting relatives and friends, loved the latest music and was always up for a concert to hear it live - including two sojourns to Glastonbury. As a person, she was empathetic, funny, intelligent and with her friends and family she was generous to a fault - happy to give of whatever she had to make someone else's life better. She was a beloved sibling to her surviving sister Linda and brother Jim, and both aunt and friend to her niece and nephews, Julie, Jimmy, Jeremy and Justin, Most of all she was a deeply loved mother - a combination of mother, big sister, and best friend to her daughter Kara - and a truly cherished 'nessa' (never a simple 'grandmother') to her two granddaughters Sophia and Alexandra (and her 'fur baby' grandchildren, Harley and Orla), and a much admired MIL to her son in law Michael. She was unique - irrepressible and irreplaceable - and she will be so very, very missed by so many. May your next universe be more kind, Vanessa Lynn - and I hope they know what's coming for them!
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Memory wall
Last summer I did a pretty last-minute trip to London to see a musical. The only person I told I was coming and met during my weekend-long stay was Vanessa. We had dinner and talked, and it was like no time had passed. It was such a lovely evening and we were talking how my family needs to visit London, to see the places we used to live in, and how we'd need to see if my son (now 9) is still fascinated by Vanessa's wheels. We'll do that trip one day and I'll talk to my son about Vanessa, but next time I'll be in London I'm sure to visit Boxpark, if it's still there then.
Vanessa, I'm going to miss you so much! Thank you for all the laughs and the other wonderful memories!
Vanessa, I wish your afterlife free of pain, but full of places to go, people to gossip with, and bottles of Grand Marnier stashed about you. You will be so missed, my friend
"Friendship is the wine of life" - Robert Burns.
It'll be far too quiet without you at the next con, but I promise to cause a little bit of good trouble in your memory.
Vanessa's greatest impact on my life came in 2012. I had only recently beaten homelessness, and was recovering from a psychotic break; she helped me rejoin the human race. Ever after the first thought which came to mind on hearing about or mentioning Lady V was "She was there for the fight back" few were. Even then helping me get past that she wasn't done, by 2014 my legs had given up on me, and the only peson I knew who had experienced the level of pain I was experiencing was V, she taught me the priceless lesson of "surfing out the pain" which makes perfect sense if you find yourself in that spot.
Lady V was that friend who was somehow always there at critical moments, I like to hope that in some ways it was a mutually experienced feature to our friendship. Miss you always
I wish you well on your continuing journey and thanks for being a friend.

Thank you, Vanessa. If there is an afterlife, may you be surrounded by all that makes you happy.
Vanessa you will be sorely missed. xx
We're going to miss you V, rest assured that anyone bringing up Craft Beer will get everything you promised them...

Fly with the butterflies Vanessa!
To the May family, please accept my heartfelt condolences.
You will forever be in my heart. I love you Ness!
I knew her through fandom where she was instrumental in supporting fans to make hotels and conventions better places for everyone.
Service
Donate to her favourite charity
Please copy this link in to your browser to give: https://www.justgiving.com/page/kara-cauter-1734606569245?utm_medium=FR&utm_source=CL
Together, let us continue the legacy of compassion and kindness that Vanessa embodied throughout their life.