Samantha Walsh

My sister Sam passed away.
That’s an astonishing sentence to write.

She was my big sister in every way and my childhood pal. Sam and Lori. Lori and Sam. Our names were always linked. Sam was 22 months older than me, and although there were 5 siblings all together, the others were much older. It was Sam and I together. I slept with her for much longer than she wanted, but I was afraid of the night, and she would protect me.

Once, when we lived in Louisiana next to a ditch (connected to a bayou), Sam came up with a plan. Let’s go fishing! Now, in this ditch were frogs and snakes and lizards and, even, the occasional crocodile. But sure. My big sis wants to go fishing, let’s do it! There was a big water pipe crossing the ditch. We took our fishing pole, made up of a stick, a string and a milk carton, and shimmied across. We were in the middle when the milk carton fell off the string. But that did not deter Sam. She thought she could get it. So she used the stick and reached out over the water. It was just beyond her reach as it bobbed around. But she was determined. So she kept reaching further, when SPLASH! She fell in! She leapt out of that water soooooooo fast! I was too young to remember my mom’s response, but I can imagine it!

She brought home stray puppies and even a bunny rabbit. She taught me how to pretend I was sick so I could skip school. When we got in trouble and were sent to our rooms, we would open our windows and speak to each other as we conspired against our parents.

She was a “social butterfly”, as my mom would say. But she always included me with her friends and we did things that I would never allow my own children to do. As I followed her through the school system, sometimes, I would have the same teacher. Inevitably, when the teacher would make that discovery, the conversation would go something like this. “Oh. Your Sam’s sister?!” Then, there would be a pause. Hmmm. Because, I was not the fun one. I was quiet. Sam was the fun one. But I loved that about her. I loved being her little sister.

After high school, she moved to San Diego and I went away to college. But we remained close. When we married and we had children, we spent lots of quality time together. Driving back and forth between San Diego and Newport Beach with the kids in tow. We had great times! I have so many wonderful memories of big family events at mom and dad’s home. Lots of kids running around. Everyone in the pool. Barbecues. Loud, loud, loud conversations. That’s how we rolled.

Life happens and we moved farther apart. Visits were harder.

But then, we all moved to Austin. My sister Donna was there too and her family was nearby. We had never ever lived in the same town as adults. But for many years we did and we enjoyed, again, lots of family holidays. Don’t get me wrong, we were sisters. We had lots of conflicts. But I still loved her with all my heart and soul.

So, so many good memories. She is my third sibling to pass. Now, it’s just me and Donna. The rest get to be in heaven with Mom and Dad and so many other loved ones. Hanging out by the pool. Having loud conversations. And loving one another. I will miss them all, for now.

I still can’t believe it.