To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.
Obituary
From the moment I first held him, I knew my life had changed forever. What I didn't know was how much he would teach me about love, strength, and joy in just fifteen short years."
They say some souls are too beautiful for this world. I now know beyond any doubt that this is true, as I am lucky enough that my son was one of them.
I'm Phoenix's mum. And there has never been a greater honour in my life than being his.
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A Life Lived in a Hurry
Phoenix came into this world exactly the way he lived in it — in a hurry. He was born five weeks early after I went into labour at a Bon Jovi concert in Sydney. Even then, he was already doing things his own way. We spent two long weeks in hospital while he fought through complications in NICU. Those were some of the hardest days of my life — but they were also the first time I saw just how strong my little boy was.
From the very beginning, Phoenix was a live wire. Full of energy, full of life, always moving, always thinking, always feeling. He didn't just enter a room — he filled it.
He was immensely caring. So funny. So loving. And completely cheeky in a way that only he could get away with. No matter what challenges we were facing, Phoenix would always try to make things lighter. He would crack a joke at exactly the right moment, or give you that look that said, "It's going to be okay."
And if words weren't enough, he would wrap his arms around you and give you one of his massive hugs.
Those hugs... they were the safest place in the world. They were comfort. They were reassurance. They were love.
That was Phoenix. He didn't just say he loved you — he showed you.
Fifteen years will never feel like enough. But in those fifteen years, he gave more love, more laughter, and more light than some people give in a lifetime.
He may have arrived early, and he may have left us far too soon, but every second we had with him was a gift. And I will carry his hugs with me for the rest of my life.
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Early School Years
Phoenix started kindergarten at Gillieston Heights Public School. Unfortunately, his first experience of school wasn't what any parent hopes for. The staff let him down and failed to provide the safe and happy environment he deserved. But even in those difficult circumstances, Phoenix still managed to find light — because that's who he was.
It was there that he met one of his very first and dearest friends, Zach. No matter what changed over the years — schools, distance, life — their bond never faded. Even when Zach moved away, they stayed connected. That friendship endured.
Zach, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You were such an important part of Phoenix's life. You were the level-headed one, the voice of reason when he needed it most. You helped guide him when his impulses got the better of him. You brought him happiness, and for that, I will always be grateful. Thank you for being his first friend — and for staying his friend.
After his ordeal at Gillieston, Phoenix moved on to greener pastures and started at Tenambit Public School. The change in him was breathtaking. Here was a small child who once hated going to school, now so eager to get out of the car that he would butt heads with you over the speedy kiss goodbye, just so he could leap out and run into school. He always had a massive smile and would give a quick wave over his shoulder. Sometimes there was even a quick hug for the teacher or principal at the gate on his way in.
The love, inclusion, and support he was shown by the staff at Tenambit — the support workers, Mrs Russell, Mr Mason, Michelle (or "Shell," as he called her), and even the ladies in the office — helped shape the beautiful young man he became. He had a way of making people feel important. The amount of love and support that surrounded him throughout his primary school years helped shape who he was.
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The Kick-Start Collective Family
Phoenix faced challenges throughout his life, but never once did he let them define him. He was just as determined as any other kid his age. He faced every challenge head-on and never let it stop him.
Emily and the team at Kick-Start Collective helped Phoenix and me over 12 years. Every interaction helped shape a very special kid who was so full of life, with so much love to give. He knew how to have empathy and was able to show remorse when he had done something wrong or hurt someone's feelings. He was something rare.
He loved being with his carers and loved talking about his adventures with them. Throughout the years, I have heard numerous stories and watched his face light up as he told me about the time spent.
My gratitude will always remain with all of you for as long as I live. You never gave up on him, you pushed through even on the difficult days, and you offered him a safe place to land when I could not be around due to my obligations as a single parent. Phoenix treasured the time spent with you all. You all played a major role in his life — you touched his heart, and I'm guessing he touched yours just as much.
I still remember some of your faces when you dropped him home after your first day on the job with him. It was always the same face: exhausted, depleted of energy, and completely defeated. I would always giggle because I knew he was pushing all of your buttons to see how far he could push you before breaking point. I would fill you in on what he was doing and what his aim was, and give you some helpful advice: "Don't put up with his nonsense. Be firm — he is just testing how far he can push you."
You all took that advice on board, and after a few days with him, the face of defeat would disappear and new friendships began to form.
That was Phoenix. He tested you. He challenged you. But if you stood strong with him, he gave you his whole heart.
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High School Years
Primary school went by in what seemed like no time, and before I knew it, Phoenix was ready for high school. He formed incredible bonds with his teachers and was eager to start this new chapter, though scared of the change. To be honest, I was more scared than he was.
I was worried he wouldn't find the sense of belonging and security that he had at Tenambit. I was also terrified that high school would change him into a typical teenager who would hate me, grunt, and cause me nothing but grief along with constant eye rolls.
So high school started with a bang. A wrong choice in placement was made, and the first few weeks were terrifying and bumpy. I quickly pulled him out and made the decision to try and get him enrolled at Maitland High, where his brother had attended years before. I worked out a way to navigate the zoning issue, lodged the paperwork, and next minute he was all ready to start making his mark at Maitland High.
I clenched my teeth and awaited the teenage storm. The first few weeks were rocky — a couple of hiccups with some boys, trips up and down the stairs, and some banter back and forth. My motherly worry kicked in, and I wasn't sure how it would turn out for him.
I really shouldn't have worried, because Phoenix being Phoenix, I should have known this initial stage would just be a minor blip before he would befriend the so-called enemy, like he always did. He made a friendship out of his apparent arch-nemesis, and once again built connections with his teachers.
Ms Henry, he couldn't wait for you to return. He felt safe around you, and you showed him compassion when needed. Ms Burgess, though you had the firmer touch, the connection was still there. Mr Palmer, he had so much respect for you — thank you for allowing him to be himself and joke around with you. You made time at high school as fun as high school could be.
And Ms Shots, you deserve a medal. You have had to endure the cheekiness from both of my boys. You impacted both of them during their time at school. My gratitude for allowing them to feel comfortable to talk to you openly through the years will forever be with you. You must have the patience of a saint.
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A Young Man Coming Into His Own
Over the last six months or so, Phoenix would openly tell me about his crushes and girlfriends. He started to gain confidence and was happy with his looks. I sometimes lost track of where it was all up to and who was who, but hey — it's all part of being a teenager.
Last year, Phoenix started a new friendship. I watched him come out of his shell. He was happy — really content with life — and just seemed to have found his peace and belonging in the world. I would hear him laughing every night on the phone talking with his best mate Tom, and sometimes Tom's deep voice was replaced with a much softer tone of a girl. I would overhear some conversations, and my heart melted hearing the way his voice would change.
He was happy, which in turn made me happy.
Phoenix was always one to have me included in his calls. He would show my face to whoever he was talking to and gladly say, "This is my beautiful mum." He was as proud of me as I was of him.
He loved his life, and he loved his friends. He had a newfound happiness that was followed by afternoons and weekends at Morpeth River with his clan. He was beaming with happiness telling me about his days spent with friends. If he hadn't spent any time with me for a couple of weekends, he would always apologise and reassure me that we would spend some time together. It was never prompted — Phoenix just had a huge heart, and he would think of my feelings just out of the blue.
I never once felt like I was not loved unconditionally by him.
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The Young Man He Became
The past eight months, I watched my baby grow into one hell of a teenager. He was bursting to get a job. He couldn't wait to get his licence at the end of the year and was already planning his future. He had ideas about cars he wanted to buy, asked me about saving money, and talked about travel plans he wanted to do with Zach and Tom.
He helped me around the house. He told me every morning and every night that he loved me, and didn't cower in showing affection toward me — even walking through Greenhills or in public, he would have his arm around me.
If Phoenix loved you, he loved you hard. It was just who he was.
I could not have been more proud of the person he had grown to be. He wasn't the terrible eye-rolling teenager who hated the sight of me. He was the complete opposite. He was tender, he cared deeply, and he loved me with all of his heart. He was grateful for everything, no matter how small, and he just couldn't seem to hate anyone.
I was so lucky to have been loved by Phoenix every day for the short 15 years that I had him. I watched him grow. He made me laugh. He drove me insane at times. But not once did he make me feel like he hated me, or that he didn't care if he made me mad or upset. He made me feel so loved and was always remorseful if he had disappointed me.
He knew I had his back, and I knew he always had mine. He loved making people happy, and he only ever wanted to make people proud of him.
I know I will never feel the love that I felt on a daily basis — the love that Phoenix made me feel every single day.
The amount of messages, phone calls, and visits I have received over the last couple of weeks has been overwhelming. I have listened to so many stories of Phoenix and how he has touched the hearts of so many people. Everyone has said the same thing: he was funny, caring, cheeky, wanted to make everyone smile, and was such a beautiful soul.
My darling sweet boy, you achieved what you set out to do. I have never been more proud. You were soft, kind, and loving to everyone, and you did this in every facet of life — not just at home. You wanted to make me proud, and you surpassed every expectation. You were everything that I hoped for in a son.
I am so heartbroken that you didn't have the chance to live a full life and get everything that you were dreaming of and planning for. The world was robbed of you the night you left us.
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A Mother's Grief
Over the last two weeks, my life has turned into a complete living hell. I have lost a massive part of my heart and soul. I long every day just to hear him say, "I love you, Mumsy," and look at me with his cheeky smile and give me a massive hug.
He had grown so tall and started to fill out, so the hugs were now with me being pulled into his chest like I was the child.
I miss his calls asking for money. I miss his laughter. I miss him saying "good morning" every day and "goodnight, I love you Mum, see you in the morning" every night. I never in a million years thought that I would say this, but I even miss him tormenting me until I would get irate.
My life will never be the same. I will be forever changed and will forever miss him. We had a bond that was something out of this world. He was my protector as much as I was his. He wasn't just my son — he was my best friend.
I know he will always be with me, and he will continue to give me little signs to show me he is still around. I will grieve for him for as long as I live. For Phoenix, I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and get through each day with only half a heart. The other half went with him on the night he left.
I will forever be grateful that he chose me to be his mum all those years ago. I was so incredibly lucky to be loved by an absolutely amazing human. He loved me every day of his life and always did everything in his power to make me happy. He loved me unconditionally, and I loved him just the same.
I was lucky to get to call him my son, but not lucky enough to have him with me forever.
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Farewell
I love you, Phoenix, and I am hurting more than I ever have and more than I ever will again.
Bittersweet moments happened that I wouldn't change. I was there to watch you take your first breath, and I am grateful that even in the horrifying circumstances, I was able to be there to comfort you when you took your last.
Thank you for the best years of my life and for loving me as much as you did through it all. I want you to know that I will think about you every day and take you with me wherever I go. I will always cherish our memories and wait for the day to see your cheeky, loving smile again.
Know that I love you to the moon and back, and that every day I will look for little signs that you are around. I will pray that I see you every night in my dreams. One day we will be together again, and my pain will stop. Until then, watch over us, give Pop a hug from us all, and while you wait for me, give heaven some hell.
Forever my baby, forever my greatest love story, and forever 15
** **Fly high, bub.** """
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