Marilyn Ann Kaup
Lord, take me where You want me to go;
Let me meet who You want me to meet;
Tell me what You want me to say; and
Keep me out of your way.
—Fr Mychal Judge
Obituary
Marilyn Ann (Lynch) Kaup, 86, died peacefully on the morning of Thursday, September 26, 2024 at South Kingston Nursing & Rehabilitation Center in Rhode Island. Born in Providence, she was the daughter of the late Joseph A. and Agnes R. (O’Neil) Lynch.
Marilyn’s early years were spent surrounded by a very large, loving family of siblings, aunts, uncles and close cousins. At age 11, she lost her mother Agnes to cancer, and while coping with her own grief, was tasked with helping to care for her brothers, Paul (10), Brian (6) and Greg (5). Despite having to contend with their occasional high jinks—like when her backyard tea party was allegedly peed upon from the rooftop above—Marilyn persevered, and the challenging circumstances ultimately created a bond among the four siblings that remained strong throughout their lives.
Marilyn (called Mal by her close friends) attended St. Xavier High School in Providence, where she forged some lifelong friendships, and occasionally tried to skirt the school’s dress code by drawing a line up the back of her bare legs with a marker so it would look like she was wearing the required stockings. One quick pinch from a nun, and the jig was up.
After high school, Marilyn joined a formidable social club of 11 young women called “The Pearls,” attended secretarial school, and spent a few years as an executive assistant in Rhode Island before packing up and heading across the country to San Francisco with her cousin, best friend and fellow Pearl, Joyce McMann. The two set up in a small apartment, helping to manage their expenses by furnishing it with wares pilfered from local restaurants. Marilyn’s social life grew to include some fairly wild alcohol-fueled adventures, one of which led her to a bar where she met John William Kaup. Unable to resist a troublemaker, she fell hard, and their romance, though short-lived, resulted in a red-faced, screaming baby boy she named Paul William Kaup.
Times being what they were, Marilyn changed her own last name to Kaup to match her son’s, despite being unmarried. Then, around the time of her first Mothers Day, she decided to get sober, fearing—among other things—that if she continued to drink, she might lose Paul (as in literally misplace him). In addition to being a mother, her sobriety became the most important thing in her life.
She moved back to Rhode Island with 3-month-old Paul to be close to her family, which was about to grow larger. Her father Joe had remarried, and he and his young wife Marlene soon welcomed their own baby boy, Joseph (Jay), followed by another, Jeffrey, and a daughter Elizabeth, each of whom Marilyn would love as dearly as her three brothers. She also found one of her closest friends in Marlene.
Over the next two decades, Marilyn was a devoted single mother to Paul—with invaluable support from Joe and Marlene—while meeting the challenges of life as a young and independent woman. Never one to be complacent, she worked at several different jobs; her favorites were being the assistant to Lee Hall, President of Rhode Island School of Design, and working for the representatives at the Rhode Island State House. She moved house several times, at least once to accommodate the latest of the menagerie of animals—including two birds, two cats, some snakes, and a baker’s dozen of doomed hamsters—that Paul brought home. She also tried her hand at a few relationships (more troublemakers) and contended with a good amount of only-child drama. During the summers she would take Paul and his cousins to the beach, or sneak them all into a hotel pool to escape the heat (they were quickly sniffed out). She was a young-at-heart Mom, but also diligent about Paul’s education, right up to and including driving him to the post office moments before midnight to get his college application mailed on time.
Through it all, she stayed sober one day at a time, while helping others do the same. Along with her daily presence at meetings, she helped organize new ones for those seeking recovery, one of which occurred weekly at the Rhode Island women’s prison, and which—along with her cousin Ruth Mahoney—she took part in for many years.
After Paul left home for college and beyond, Marilyn continued to focus on her sobriety and outreach to others in need. This included moving for a short period to New York City to volunteer at Covenant House, which provides shelter and other resources to young people without a home. While in New York, she also worked temp jobs to support herself, and spent time with Paul, who now lived in Brooklyn. She was in the city on 9/11, and the story of Father Mychal Judge, the FDNY Chaplain who was the first certified fatality of the attack, forever cemented him and the city in her heart.
Marilyn spent the latter part of her life in Narragansett, RI. Her days began with a meeting on Narragansett beach, where, with her decades of sobriety, she became a mentor and inspiration to others in recovery. She was a member of a local artist group led by Mimi Sammis, and painted many landscapes of the surrounding areas. She would attend church sometimes daily, and see family as often as possible. It was love at first sight when each of her two grandsons, Ewan and Rhys, were born; she visited them regularly in NYC, and happily for Paul and his wife Stephanie, there was nothing she enjoyed more than taking care of them.
Marilyn entered South Kingstown Nursing and Rehab in 2020 after a serious illness. With the generous emotional support of her niece Erin Lynch, the transition was relatively peaceful, and though she’d rather have ended up in New York City, she became a well-loved member of the nursing home community. She received regular visits, loved and cared for by close family and friends in her final years as much as she was in the early ones.
She loved to laugh, possessed an uncommonly soothing voice, and was a big fan of Paul Newman, David Letterman and Russell Crowe. She was a fiery opponent if crossed, and a fierce defender of her family, friends, the Catholic Church, and everyone and everything Irish. She loved to be where the action was. If you weren’t in a hurry, or even if you were, she would take your arm and stop you in your tracks to share (partly pantomiming) a story. She believed that angels guided her in life and that things always “worked out”.
She would have given anything and everything to the people she loved. She will be missed.
Marilyn is survived by her beloved son, Paul Kaup, his wife Stephanie Church, and their children Ewan Kaup and Rhys Kaup. She is also survived by her siblings Brian Lynch, Jay Lynch and his wife Cheryl, Jeffery Lynch and his wife Janelle, and Elizabeth (Lynch) O’Flaherty; her dear family member Marlene Denice and her husband Ernie; her cousin Lynne Turnbull and her husband Ed; her cousin Gail Dow; plus many more nephews, nieces, cousins and friends.
Marilyn was predeceased by her brothers Paul Lynch and Gregory Lynch.