Virginia "Gini" Hope Smith

Kiss today goodbye
The sweetness and the sorrow
Wish me luck, the same to you
But I can't regret
What I did for love"

- "What I Did For Love",  A Chorus Line

A Note for Our Mom

In lieu of formal services (which our mom, who was always been quick to speak her mind, let us know she was adamantly against), we wanted to respect her wishes, yet still find a space for us to honor her memory.

Our mom and Keith, her decades-long companion and friend, from the start of their relationship to the very end, would write notes to one another with updates about their plans for the day or silly stories to make one another laugh. In honor of their tradition, we wanted to write a note for our mom.


Dear Mom,

We love you. You always ended a conversation, even the most difficult ones, telling us you loved us; today, we want to start by telling you that we love you. You showed us that we can love, and be loved, unconditionally and always. Thank you for always loving us, even when it involved letting us go. We will always love you.

Words cannot quite capture the lessons of life you have imparted on us. We have so many memories that we will treasure and hold onto forever and, perhaps most importantly, carry on and share with our children.

You certainly had your own way of looking at things – you did things your way and you weren’t afraid to speak your mind. You taught us to hold on tightly to our convictions and that it is okay to be stubborn and to dig our feet in when it really mattered. Our children, ages 3 to 14, all share this quality. Please help us!

We inherited your deep love of movies, especially musicals and ones with lots of dancing. We remember regularly watching Meet Me in St. Louis, The Sound of Music, A Chorus Line, and White Christmas, amongst many others, with and without you over the years – we always sing along, loud and proud, even if we never sing on key. We love “the Oldies” thanks to you – our road trips listening to the Time-Life Magazine “Your Hit Parade” cassette tapes of the top songs of the 50s and 60s can never be forgotten. Your music legacy lives on – Dar sings “A Bushel and a Peck” and “My Favorite Things” to Elliot every night, and Adelaide is about to be a “featured dancer” in her school’s performance of Bye Bye Birdie.

Our mutual love of music and movies naturally lends itself to our love of dress ups and performing. We remember our multiple trash bin sized containers holding scores of vintage clothes and wigs you got for us from second-hand stores, and we chuckled seeing old photos of what appears to be a photoshoot of the three of us and Keith wearing a variety of hats and wigs that we clearly just had lying around. You taught us how to use our imaginations and that even the ugliest old sweater can be turned into an incredible costume.

You helped us learn how to foster relationships with others, even from afar. We are going to deeply miss our regular phone calls with you on our drives home from work, with you struggling to use your new phone (we always laughed when you’d say, “my damn phone!”) and you following up on the most obscure and minor details about our friends. Mostly, we are going to miss your incredibly long, rambling voicemails (you know, where the beep cuts you off…2 minutes later) telling us that you miss us, reminding us that we are good moms, and just generally cheering us on. We know, even when the people we love are miles apart, that we can still be connected to them and show them our love.

Your warmth and your ability to connect with others, even when times are tough, has certainly been passed on to us. With Aidan as a divorce lawyer and Dar as a psychologist working with pediatric oncology patients, we are regularly faced in the professional setting with meeting people at their lowest. Having a mom who made friends everywhere she went (and would talk to a concrete wall if she thought it would talk back) has helped us to develop the ability of connecting and relating to others and taught us how to be a strong, stable support, even in times of great struggle. 

Thanks to you, we have senses of humor that can find light in the darkest of moments. We have been finding moments of laughter over the past few days when thinking about you – how you would “talk” to the most recent photo of our kids that we sent; how much you hated bananas and mushrooms (just like Aidan!), yet loved a cold glass of milk (just like Dar!); how you always had room for a Dairy Queen blizzard; how you called us annually during the Kentucky Derby to update us on which horse to “vote” for; how you would narrate a Tampa Bay Rays game while talking to us on the phone…Our conversations with you frequently made us smile, and we have learned to use humor as a way of getting through the ebbs and flows of life.

We know how proud you were of us. You frequently told us, and we have anecdotally heard from others, how much you would boast about us. We laughed and cried the other day as we combed through your files of many folders filled with both of our school evaluations, ranging from preschool through high school, as well as our commencement programs from each of our multiple graduations, even if you were unable to attend. Aidan was always “leadership material” and Darcy was “competitive (in a good way!) and caring about her work…and has many friends, including Kate Murphy.” We are so glad our preschool evaluations still stand true today.

Thank you for always believing in us, and for supporting us in following our hearts and doing what we thought would make us happy. You telling us that you trust us, even in times when we didn't necessarily trust ourselves, is a life lesson we will hold close to our hearts. 

We also know how much you loved and adored your grandchildren. You modeled for us how to show our kids love and how to find the fun in life. Thankfully, our kids love our movie night traditions and being silly with us just as much as we do. We love how you remembered the simplest moments that you had shared with our kids (who can forget that time when Walter as a 1-year-old belly laughed while throwing Dar’s DVDs in the air and how a photo of Elliot is your phone background?). Every day, we tell our kids that we love them, thanks to you – and tell them how much their Grammy loves and misses them.

Most importantly, you gave us the greatest gift of all – each other. Despite our age difference, we are each other’s best friend, and we quite literally wouldn’t be here without you. Your memories and spirit live on in both of us, and we are so grateful to have one another to lean on during this most difficult time without you. 

We will meet you in St. Louis one day.

With so much love,

Dar & Aidan

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