Elvira Candida Rodrigues de Almeida Haycock

Eulogy Part 1

Good morning and welcome to our farewell service for Elvira Candida Rodrigues De Almeida Haycock. Dearest daughter, sister, cousin and niece. Loving wife, mother and grandmother and Loyal friend.

We gather here to celebrate a gracious and gentle soul who impacted our lives in different ways and it’s an honour to share her interesting story with you today.

Childhood
“Candinha” - as she was affectionately known by her family in Portugal - was one of two children born to Olinda and Joaquin De Almeida. She and her elder brother Joe spent their early years in Vila Cá - Village near Pombal - before moving with their family to Angola in 1957, when she was 4.

They lived in Nova Lisboa for approximately eight years and spent holidays in the southern Angolan bush, where Candinha's interest in African wildlife in its natural habitat developed.

In 1965, her family settled in Westonaria, about 50km west of Johannesburg.

When Joaquim and Olinda relocated to Mozambique four years later, Elvira and Joe stayed in South Africa to finish their studies and build their lives.

I met Elvira in 1973 through a blind date arranged by our mutual friends. She was staying at a hostel in Johannesburg at the time, and we arrived later than expected. My friend Graham Maddock explained we’d had car problems, but the truth is, we’d just lost track of time.

1973 was a significant year for ‘glam rock’, so it’s more than likely, though I can’t say for sure, we were late because we’d decided to put on makeup before leaving that evening!

Her dear friend Gorette, who was waiting with her, fondly recalls,
“Elvira turned to me, bemused, and asked in Portuguese: Do you think they’re gay?”
“I reassured her saying, No, I don’t think so, they don’t walk like gays”.

Elvira looked stunning and was lovely to get along with. Our date at The Electric Circus couldn’t have gone better and sensing she was the one for me, started to hope she felt the same way.

We began dating, got married in March 1975 and lived in Benoni for a few years, where Sarah, Philip, and Andrew were born. Later, we moved to Senderwood in Johannesburg on account of Elvira’s quest to find better schools for them. She was a nurturing, full-time mother and homemaker who focused on raising our children and offered a welcoming home for their friends to visit.

Mom was very proud of the sensible, level-headed, and happy adults you’ve become.
You truly were the ‘wind beneath her wings’.

Elvira and I shared many wonderful years - filled with love, laughter and tears – enjoying happy moments and dealing with difficult times together.

In our 50 years of marriage, I have to admit she probably was the more sensible one in our relationship and I became a better person for it. She tested me often in the course of a lifetime together, helping me develop patience and perspective on life's little challenges.

So, for example, whenever I felt stressed, Elvira would say “calm down”, you’re in “airport mode again”, referring to a hectic incident at Lisbon airport many years earlier. Thought I’d left my money bag in the rental car and dashed back to retrieve it. It turned out I hadn't, but by the time I got back to the terminal, check-in had closed and ended up buying business class tickets to London, so we could board our Johannesburg connection later that evening.

Elvira was a loyal and supportive friend and formed lifelong friendships with Gorette Swart, née Correira - who she met at Rhodes House Hostel at the age of 17, and with our dear friends Clare and Nigel Laycock and Annette Bohler .

Our families developed a strong bond. Each year we’d celebrate Christmas and Boxing Day with Clare and Nigel and for several years, the 26th of December was the designated day when friends joined us for the annual cricket match between the Haycocks and the Laycocks - to compete for the Kufil Cup.

And as our families grew up, we spent many wonderful holidays together, creating precious and lasting memories.

We often travelled to Portugal so our children could spend time getting to know their grandparents and meet with all their other relatives.

After her parents passed away, Candinha had support from her cousins to continue with the family tradition of preparing fields, harvesting olives, pressing olive oil at the local press, and of maintaining long-standing traditions - such as sampling olive oil , often late at night - batch by batch - on fresh bread with Chouriço chargrilled on the open kitchen fire.

We enjoyed many good times with our Portuguese cousins and, though I never learned their language, they warmly accepted me into the family.

Beijinhos e abraços

Eulogy Part 2

From an early age, Elvira developed an interest in gardening.
After we moved into to our Senderwood home - and with the help of her landscape garden designer Maria and our gardener Coleman – she developed a glorious informal garden, that became a feature in The Golden Cities Annual Show Gardens.

This tranquil splendour provided an ideal setting for the many happy parties we hosted on our outdoor veranda. Elvira and her friends spent hours planning, preparing and serving up tasty dishes for these special occasions. And we often got very tipsy……on the “intoxicating view” of course.

This spring, Elvira’s handiwork is evident once again in our garden, where I’m reminded of her each day in bursts of colour, sounds of busy bees; by the scent of jasmine in the evening breeze outside our bedroom window and the fragrance of roses she so loved and cared for.
Her 'wild meadow' will be a fitting tribute to her legacy when it blooms later this year.

Elvira was accomplished at playing bridge. When we first started to play socially, an opponent asked me impatiently: ‘Are you planning to play today or tomorrow?’ and I soon quit under the pressure.

But Elvira loved the game, studied books on it and joined The Links Bridge Club - the premier bridge club in Southern Africa. Though apprehensive before every game, she persevered and became very competitive at duplicate bridge.

Elvira loved animals, especially cats who had a special place in her heart. It saddened her to see scrawny strays roaming around our home in Portugal. So she’d feed them, take them to the local vet, rehome several of them, and nursed them back to good health, with love and with care.

At times now, when Russo, Covide and I miss her presence and her voice, we comfort each other as we remind ourselves of just how precious she was.

You often worried about Russo and Covid’s future care should you no longer be around, but rest in peace my love, they are still being well looked after and cherished by us all.

Elvira had extensive general knowledge and was a keen reader, often reading several books a week. Because she couldn’t sleep on long haul flights, before the advent of Kindle, our carry-on bags were filled with books on our trips to and from Portugal.
She read articles and news online and often listened to her favourite presenters on LBC Radio.

She had a special interest in the English gentry of the late 18th century and in the history of the English monarchy. I’ll miss the hours we spent watching drama and historical series together.

She listened to music, sometimes on internet radio, like RFM - a popular music station in Portugal - and Rádio Amália - a station dedicated to Fado music.

And sometimes she played her favourite CDs in our kitchen and Andrew has downloaded a selection of these songs for us to enjoy during our farewell later.

Last but by no means least, Elvira was a devoted Nana to Max, Lila, and Eva. They provided her with a sense of purpose and immense satisfaction. She loved playing board games with Max and playing imaginative roles with Lila and Eva.

She guided them with patience and kindness and cared for them, and they loved her in return.

Her presence will be missed, but I hope her legacy of bringing our families and grandchildren together will continue. She would have been so very happy.

To Nana: “Gone too soon, but never forgotten” ♥

Dear Elvira,
Going to your house very often growing up, I was always very exited to visit Hythe. You were always so kind to let my family stay and hang out with Max and his parents and I'm not sure many grandmothers do that so thank you for that. My grandparents also knew you and they were very sad when they found out that you wouldn't come back to have a slice of my own grandma's orange cake that you liked so much. You had a very generous heart, and I will never forget your kindness.

To dear Ken, Phil and family. I was deeply saddened to hear of the passing of dear Elvira .I will never forget how wonderful she was to Chris, as were you all, by welcoming him into your home so often. The holidays down to Ballito were always such a joy to him too. Thank you for being a second Mom to him. RIP dear Elvira.

Elvira's garden, kitchen and kindness where for me a home and her family, to me, a family. She was, and is, wonderful. And she will be deeply missed.

Goodbye Elivra, you are there in my earliest childhood memories, my fondest teen memories and so many memories as a grown woman, I am so glad you got to meet my son when he was born but am so sad you won't get to see the fabulous 10 year old he's grown into playing one day with the Haycock grandkids. You would have loved my beautiful Australian garden and it is from my garden, I raise a big glass of red wine to you. Love you.

Frances

me and hordes of kids would descend on Phil's house with a fair degree of regulatory, and Elvira was always there to welcome us, always smiling, even tho I'm sure sometimes she must have just wanted a quiet weekend. I remember us once getting up to mischief and being hungry, we were looking for some food in the kitchen, and someone was sad face that there was no mayonnaise. Elvira quickly manufactured some mayo from random ingredients like oil and eggs that I later realised mayo is in fact made from. thousands of little stories like that at Phil's house make up so much of of my youth, and even today inform how I raise my own kid and try to welcome her friends. Phil's house was a very special place for me in my youth, and Elvira was a massive part of making it so.

It was with deep sadness that we heard about Elvira's passing. Elvira was a sweet and always welcoming friend, that opened her house for me, Manuel and Paulo. We became friends after we first met in 2014 and the Haycocks became our second family, in England.
Obrigada Elvira por permitir que nos juntássemos tantas e tantas vezes em vossa casa, onde o Manel e o Max brincaram e se divertiram tanto! My deepest gratitude for having met you Elvira, Ken, Sarah, Max and your beautiful family. You will be profoundly missed.

May you rest in peace and may the light of God be with you dear Elvira.

With love and saudade,
Rita, Manel e Paulo

Dear Elvira,
You welcomed us into your home with your gentle smile and big heart and made us feel like family. Long summer days in the pool surrounded by your beautiful garden, nothing was too much effort for you.. bottomless rock shandies, big piles of towels, delicious food.. your generosity and kindness was bottomless too. Ry and Evra zigzagging through your house, leaving pool-water puddles in their wake, while you smile on and encourage the hunt for chocolate mousse.. you were the perfect grandma long before you even had any grandchildren. Those amazing days are on our list of favourites. We missed you terribly when you left SA, and now we will miss you again. We are so grateful to you for the time you shared with us, you gave us so much to remember you by.

Huge love,
Lelia & family

As teenagers, Phil and I would spend countless weekends at the Haycock house in Senderwood and school holidays down in Ballito, filming episodes of ‘Otis’ or watching Monty Python’s quest for the holy grail for the 50th time. Admittedly even by most teenager standards, we were quite naughty and generally getting up to no good.

Despite this Elvira was extremely warm and always made me feel welcome at the Haycock’s house. She treated me and phil’s other friends similarly to her own children. We ate supper together at the table and were expected to help with making chips on ‘The chipper’, taking plates to the dishwasher and carrying the parcels to the kitchen when she got back from the shops - no doubt for the umpteenth time as feeding the hungry hoards of teenagers camped out at her house must have been a huge burden.

Despite this, she always smiled when she saw us and even seemed slightly bemused when we got caught red handed doing something naughty or just plain dumb.

I remember sneaking off for a quiet cigarette in the far corner of the garden, only to hear Elvira shout after me, “Chris! Stompies and gardens don’t mix!!”

I’m sorry Elvira, for all the stompies i left in your garden. Thank you for making me feel welcome in your home nonetheless.

Elvira was a very special friend like a sister to me a truly wonderful and loving friend May our Lord Bless her and keep her in heaven Amen 🙏 Annette

We are deeply sorry for your loss. Please, accept our heartfelt condolences. Our thoughts are with you and your family. Rosalba, Alessandro, Alice, and Sara.

CANDINHA,
A notícia súbita e inesperada da tua partida, desta vez definitiva e irremediável, fez cair sobre nós uma névoa de silêncio, em que as lágrimas ocuparam o lugar das palavras e a dor teimou em querer instalar-se.
Se escolhermos esse lugar de dor, pensaremos no tanto que ainda tinhas para fazer, as viagens, os encontros de família, os sonhos por realizar, a vida para celebrar com os filhos tornados homens e os netos ainda à descoberta do futuro. E pensaremos na falta imensa que nos fazes e no lugar que ora deixaste vazio nas nossas vidas e no nosso mundo.
Mas, hoje, eu escolho pensar, não nesse lugar que deixaste vazio, mas no lugar que te pertence e que continuarás sempre a habitar: o das nossas memórias, dos nossos corações.
Aí cabem as nossas memórias de infância, cheias do canto dos pássaros, do perfume das flores e do brilho do sol.
O Quim Zé, a tua Mãe e o teu Pai (agora a teu lado), os meus irmãos e tantos outros...
Vila Cã e as brincadeiras nos campos perdidos da aldeia, os mergulhos no rio, as cerejas roubadas às mães, as histórias contadas sob a luz das estrelas. Figueira da Foz e os gritos gelados pela água do mar, as corridas na areia, a espera ansiosa pelo homem dos gelados, os livros apressados na biblioteca do jardim, as sessões da tarde no cinema. Os piqueniques na Serra da Boa Viagem, o Mondego a aguardar as nossas canas de pesca.
O teu sorriso, a tua voz, a tua doçura, a tua alegria. A tua beleza (foste sempre muito linda!).
Infelizmente para nós, África roubou-te ao nosso convívio durante longos anos. Aí cresceste e construíste o teu ninho que iluminaste com três crias lindíssimas como tu.
Depois foi o regresso às origens, embora a espaços, com a mesma alegria e o mesmo sorriso, como se tivesses estado sempre connosco, partilhando o que de melhor existe nos nossos corações.

A noite caiu sobre a tua ausência. Há, agora, mais uma estrela no céu, com o teu nome e o teu sorriso, que brilha para nós e dentro dos nossos corações, nos quais continuas viva, em cada memória tua que em nós perdura.
Tó

In loving memory of Elveria

Elveria a second mother to us all growing up and a dear friend to my mom . Always welcoming with a cheeky smile and a laugh that made moments brighter. Her love for gardens reflected her nurturing spirit—caring, warm, and always making us feel at home. Her kindness left an imprint on all of us, and we’ll always cherish her gentle, loving presence.
Love Sarah Cronin

When we met Elvira the first time were impressed with her sweetness. She was a fine lady, lovely grandma and caring person. We will keep her in our heart and prayers. RIP

To Elvira.
A true friend a legend, a friend that’s very rare to find, and harder to have lost, but most important impossible to forget, We met when we were both 17, so many moons ago and so many memories, that I will treasure forever.
A life long friend who supported me when I most needed it, creating a bond like no other. A keeper of secrets that we shared, the one who understood me the most, you were the friend I could turn too without fear of judgement. Although we were separated by continents our friendship never faded.
You were the one who saw my tears in sorrow, heard my laughter, you stood by me in silence when my heart was broken, but none the less you always stayed by me, through sadness and joy.
I thank God for our friendship, even though you didn’t realise your strength, the powerful woman you were the beauty, the natural wisdom of someone who just gave of herself. Elvira you will always be a part of me. Will always be in my heart forever.

Dear Elvira. It was with profound sadness that we learned of your sudden passing. We reflect on many wonderful memories of the happy times spent together. My fondest is of you standing at the top of the waterfall in Watervalboven looking into the afternoon sun. For us that reflected your unique naturalness and simplicity uncluttered by worldly things. We miss you and sends lots of love. May you rest in peace beautiful lady.

A poem for a great woman

O mar dos meus olhos
Há mulheres que trazem o mar nos olhos
Não pela cor
Mas pela vastidão da alma
E trazem a poesia nos dedos e nos sorrisos
Ficam para além do tempo
Como se a maré nunca as levasse
Da praia onde foram felizes

Há mulheres que trazem o mar nos olhos
pela grandeza da imensidão da alma
pelo infinito modo como abarcam as coisas e os homens…
Há mulheres que são maré em noites de tardes…
e calma

Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen

The sea in my eyes

There are women who carry the sea in their eyes
Not by color
But by the vastness of their soul
And they carry poetry in their fingers and smiles
They linger beyond time
As if the tide would never take them
From the beach where they were once happy

There are women who carry the sea in their eyes
By the grandeur of the immensity of their soul
By the infinite way they embrace things and men...
There are women who are the tide on nights of afternoons...
And calm

Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen

My memories of my sister are mostly from childhood. We did not see much of each other after I left South Africa about 50 yrs ago.

We moved to Angola in 1957 when she was 4 and I was 5. I don't remember much of our time in Portugal when we were little, but we visited back there twice. In Angola we spent a lot of time with our dad who was based at a mining camp in the bush of southern Angola, when we were not going to school in Nova Lisboa. Everything around us there was totally wild, wilder than any game park, there was very little human impact. We spent a lot of time exploring around with my dad, fishing, hunting partridges and guinea fowl. There were a lot of big animals like kudu, waterbuck, impalas, leopards. We had lots of adventures, like getting lost in thick bush for hours, car breaking down and having to walk back to camp, knowing there were wild animals all around us.

In early 1965 my dad got a job in a gold mine in South Africa and we joined him later that year. We had to adjust to the culture shock of British/SA culture, like wearing school uniforms, strict school discipline, and picking up English and Afrikaans but we managed ok.

In 1969 my parents moved to Mozambique but my sister and I stayed behind in SA. Elvira attended a convent school in Kroonstad. She later went to Wits for a while but did not like university so she moved on. That's most of what I remember about her. She met Kenneth and they had a wonderful family together. I couldn't have hoped for a better life for her than that.

Elvira always had a kind heart, and fondness of animals, and Grace and I will miss her. Like her, we love cats.


Joe and Grace

Hey Philsy, hope you're alright amigo. I just saw your post on Facebook about your mom. Really sorry man. I wanted to post it there but didn't know if it was appropriate. Just wanted to say your mom was always the coolest mom. There'd always be a bunch of us at your house eating you guys out of house and home and she would be chilled and welcoming still. My mom would've absolutely booted us out! I also remember that time the cops bust us drinking (actually bust you guys, i was way too fast for them 💪). She picked me up later and i thought we were gonna get absolutely mauled but she seemed kind of amused by the whole thing. She was really cool. She'll be missed. Anyway, hope you're alright dude, cheers amigo

Elvira was a constant source of love and warmth in my life. Some of my happiest memories are with her in them: summer days running barefoot through the garden, jumping in and out of the swimming pool, slipping across the cool tiled floors of the house, soaked and laughing. Her home was full of freedom, love, and a kind of magic that made everything feel okay. She never asked me to be anything other than myself—and that gift of unconditional love has stayed with me my entire life.

Elvira shaped me more than words can express. I will always treasure her, and I will always miss her.

With all my love and sympathy,
Gillian

Dear Elvira
My fondest memory of you is sitting around the kitchen table with you and Sarah in your beautiful home in Bedfordview. We used to talk about all sorts of things. You seemed genuinely curious to discover the thoughts that we, as teenage girls, had and our views of all things going on in the world.
Even in Portugal (when you and your mom tried to trick me into eating rabbit!), the best place to be was in the warm kitchen sitting, chatting and laughing around the kitchen table.
I was looking forward to the day, somewhere in the world, around a kitchen table with you and Sarah, reminiscing and unpacking all of life’s complexities over a glass of wine.
I shall cherish those memories forever and shall always remember your warm and kind heart and, upon meeting you as a 13-year-old girl, as one of the coolest moms I ever met!
Wherever you are now, I hope there are lots of cats to receive your love and a library with an infinite choice of good books to read.
Rest in peace Elvira.

Nana was the best grandma ever. She was extremely generous, she made good food, she was super kind and understanding, the list goes on and on! I will miss her loads and loads, and I'm glad I got to spend some time with her before she passed.

Nana taught me a trick to put socks on easily. Her mum had taught her this trick.

Her toasts with butter were the best!

Every time I try to find a few words to write about Elvira I come up with a tornado of emotions, a torrent of tears and a Tidal Wave of happy memories. Memories that were built over the last 50 plus years, and far too many to list here.
I’ll share two memories with everyone. This first of a somewhat shy and nervous Elvira walking down the stairs of her boarding house, Rhodes House, in Johannesburg to go on a date with Kenny and the last of a smiling waving Elvira saying “Hi Nigel” on a WhatsApp call.
All the rest of the memories of kind, loving and caring Elvira are shared by the whole of the HayLay family.
Elvira, you have left a gaping hole in the family, but your memories will stay with us forever.

Olá Philip
Envio duas recordações que tenho da tua Mãe.

O grande Amor que tinha aos Netos e Filhos.

A ansiedade, preocupação, tristeza e sofrimento que a Candinha teve pela saúde da Lila, durante o longo período de incerteza.

Um grande abraço para todos. 🙏

Elvira, , I miss you so much. You were the best friend I ever had. You never judged me. You loved me. Your generosity of spirit, and kindness to me will never be wasted or forgotten. You had so much love to give me, as-well as my family and you were so gracious in your giving. We had many, many happy times together! We had many crazy times together! We grew from young mothers to grandmothers together.Our holidays together were full of adventure . I will never forget you. Thank you for being my best friend. My heart is broken ! You have left me with so much love and friendship to remember you by, and I smile at the times we had together. I will remember all the fun times the laughter, the darts games, the card playing the Ballito holidays, children’s birthday parties the wonderful times that we had with you as a family. I will never forget you! You will be in my heart forever. I will remember your beautiful face, your beautiful hair, your sense of humor, your love of history, your beautiful gardening and home decoration. There is so much more I could say. I will see again, you my friend. Love you forever. Thank you.

With a book in hand, you inspired them to soar into tales of Supertatoes, colorful crayons, and city-driving cats. “What shall we play, Nana?” they asked again and again. "Can we talk to Nana?". You happily spent hours as their student, their café and salon customer, their patient at the vet. You darted through the house in games of hide and seek, while the walls came alive with post-its, stickers, and drawings.

On the way home from Hythe, Eva quietly asked Lila, “Will you miss Nana?” Lila nodded, and Eva replied softly, “Me too.”
You stepped into their world with tenderness and patience, filling it with salty buttery toast, pancakes, play, and boundless imagination.

Nana, you were a cherished part of their lives. Though you're no longer with us, you will always live on in their hearts and memories.

With love,
Julia