Darian Theresa Stawitcke Chan

Darian is, and will always be, an icon and role model to me. Growing up together, I was always so intimidated by her even though she was just a few years older. Her feisty wit, her endless 90s fashion looks, and those incredible Cameron Diaz eyebrows! But as we grew up, and she became the most amazing mom and parent, it was truly her sense of humor that struck me the most.

She could make every moment a funny joke — not the kind that seeks attention, but the kind that quietly lets you exhale, laugh, and feel like you are fully understood. Darian had this effortless way of finding the absurd in everyday life and making it feel beautiful. She was fierce and soft at the same time — opinionated, bold, loyal to her people, and endlessly kind. She loved big, she laughed often, and she didn't take it all too seriously. I will carry her with me in how I try to show up in my life and for the people I love. Love you and admire you forever, Darian.

Reading through all these tributes it all makes sense. I am not a childhood friend, I wasn’t lucky enough to have spent huge amounts of time in person with Darian. I suppose, at best, I was a newish friend, and yet I have cried my eyes out in disbelief since hearing the news. I came to meet Darian through my husband, Julien Schaller, who was a good friend of Darian’s growing up. I moved with Julien to America and remember meeting her as I got acquainted with the places and culture my husband grew up in. She had this magnetic quality about her and yet, despite clearly being the coolest cat around, she was so laid back, witty and genuine. She treated me like we had known each other forever. She was kind, and welcoming and gracious. I think I truly got a glimpse of the authentically compassionate soul she was when we welcomed our first born daughter. At the baby shower she gave us an envelope with a long letter and absolutely real, non-judgmental, golden advice… from one woman to another for labor, birth and squelchy newborn diapers. She was so real and earnest in her efforts to impart something valuable, and that letter was genuinely the most thoughtful gift I got. Her tips and tricks saved me a lot of pain and eased some of the anxiety I had, going through such a huge life event in a different country without any of my own old, trusted friends or my own family by my side. I still pass on the advice she gave me to my friends when they are expecting.
After that we saw each other sporadically for kids birthdays or holidays or pool parties at their childhood home. Shortly after that we moved away to Colorado but we stayed connected as people do. It was the cause of the Palestinian people that really brought us together in a long distance friendship. She was such an advocate for everyone. She was a warrior for justice and we grew close in our disbelief at what was happening around the world. She was so fierce in her convictions and I love her so much for that. Even from a far she could tell when I was struggling and she made an effort to help me out of a dark hole. For a brief time she was so instrumental in keeping me sane and I don’t know that she ever knew how much she saved me. I am beyond heartbroken for everyone left behind. She was a true light in this world. A one of a kind. I am so sad for you all … Andrea, Jon, Meghan, Cece, Fritzy and Remy. Your mom was such a special human. You can be proud of her. She was a gift to so many people. Reading these messages, it all makes sense why the grief is so heavy. From a newish friend who will never forget you. X

These are some of my memories of Darian...

Open Heart - Darian was also fighting for equality and the misfortunate. Whether it would be sports teams or fighting for underprivileged people, she would always want to be there for them. As an example, she recently started working part time as a mediator between landlord and renters.

Motherly - Darian not only took care of just her kids, but also everyone at the parties she would attend. Just in March, we were at a party where she was watching over us. Using doordash, she ordered everyone bananas and pedialyte.

Wittiness - Darian was also someone I would love to have a conversation with. Unlike me, she read a lot of books and can recite the lines to a billion different movies. She always enjoyed competing in games.

Guiding Star - Darian really did know the meaning of life... She cared for her Family, Friends, and Community. I really do think that's the most important thing about life. We go and do everyday things, but we must not lose our love for each other.

I've always viewed Darian as a visionary for what humanity could be. She always knew what the right thing or ethical thing was. She is my guide to not get lost in the whirlwind of everyday life and to reconnect with what's really important -- treat people with respect, openness, warmth, equality, and have fun while you are at it.

As I attended the Celebration of Life gathering, I initially felt like I didn't know a lot of the people there. Soon after, I realized that Darian is like a beautiful, bright, colorful and soft fabric that touches us and comforts us. This fabric has touched us all and now we are all wearing a piece of this fabric. It makes us who we are and reminds us to spread her vision. In the end, I realized we aren't such strangers after all. We all knew Darian and she is now a part of all of us.

I remember being a new student at St. Simon when I joined the middle school as a 7th grader and met Darian. I remember thinking she was the coolest and most interesting girl in the entire class but I used to be pretty timid and didn't talk to her.

It's crazy to think back and realize even after 4 years of attending St Francis High School together, we never became closer friends and as it happens, everyone heads off in their own paths after graduation.

It wasn't until March '23 when she randomly commented on something I had posted on Instagram and we got to casually chatting about Lord of the Rings, dinosaurs, and life. She somehow knew I was a teacher for many years and remembered that I enjoyed to draw. After all this time, it was nice to reconnect, albiet loosely.

Over the next couple years we shared reels and hilarious memes over IG and I thought it was cool that I still kept in contact with another friend from elementary school. I enjoyed receiving posts and reels in my dms regarding random dinosaur facts or silly jokes. One time she sent me a video about Spina Farms which has these giant animatronic dinosaurs and told me that it seemed like something up my alley. I happened to have already visited it and recommended that she take the family sometime, which she ended up doing!

I was shocked and deeply saddened to hear of her passing. My deepest condolences go out to her family and children. Darian will be missed but I am so grateful and honored to have spoken to her recently. Rest in paradise.

It's still hard to believe that Darian has left us. She was always the core, the center of every event, connecting everyone together, taking care of everyone around her, unassuming but powerful. She was funny without being loud or brash, just calmly making a quick-witted observation that would be easy to miss if you weren't listening. But if you were paying attention you'd hear something both hilarious and astute.

Like many others, Annie and I met Darian through kickball, and we played together for a few years as we became friends. We always counted ourselves lucky to be included on the invite list for amazing parties - a NYE white party, a Great Gatsby bash, birthday and Superbowl parties in their lovely home, a private bus taking us through wine country for a birthday party, where on the way back we all danced in the back, swinging from the support bars while the driver turned a blind eye - possibly charmed by Darian herself to let us flout the rules.

When our first daughter was born a couple years ago, Darian was one of the people we saw the most. In her no-nonsense way, she insisted on bringing us food multiple times when we were quietly drowning in a world of dirty diapers and too little sleep. She went and picked up hand-me-down clothes from Jen and dropped them off (along with burritos) while the baby slept, just passing through on her way to spread love somewhere else. And then when she got to hold and feed our daughter, she knew exactly what to do, of course; she was a mother of 3, and 30 - kids and kickballers. Through her example she taught us how to help our friends as they have children, and we'll think of her as we put in extra effort to help others along the way.

To Andrea, Jon, Meghan, CeCe, Fritzy, Remy: we are so sorry for your loss. Thank you for helping making Darian who she was. And we hope that made her special will continue to live on within each of you.

Love, Phil, Annie, & Phoebe

Thinking of Darian's family during this difficult time. Even though it's been many years since high school, I still remember her as being such a friendly and fun person to be around. I always enjoyed sitting next to her in class. She had a warm spirit and a cool vibe. Sending my deepest condolences.

Darian, you will be greatly missed. Your kind heart and generosity touched the lives of many, including vulnerable children here in Uganda. Though I never had the opportunity to meet you in person, I heard so much about your goodness through Andrea. You left this world far too soon. May your gentle soul transcend in the light.

— Sam, from Uganda

Darian and I went to St Simons and St Francis together and I was lucky to call her my friend. Even my earliest memories of her (starting in kindergarten) include her brilliant sense of humor. She also had a deeply developed understanding of social justice, long before I even knew what that was. She called out injustice when she saw it and wasn’t afraid to speak out in support of others. The thing that stands out the most to me when I think back on my memories of Darian was her remarkable capacity for empathy. At an age when the rest of us were extremely self-involved, Darian somehow always seemed to be attuned to how I was feeling and what I was going through. So many times, I can remember her quietly saying to me, “I can tell you’re really upset about that,” or “it’s ok, you can tell me how you really feel.” As a preteen, you so often feel like no one can possibly understand what you’re going through, and what a gift it was to feel so completely seen by a friend.

One time when I was living at the Santa Clara University dorms Darian came to visit. In the common area they were showing the debates between George Bush and John Kerry. There were strict rules to be silent during the debates in order to be respectful of students differing political opinions. We walked into a dead silent room and sat quietly for a bit until George W flubbed a line saying Saddam Hussein when he meant Osama Bin Laden. Darian burst out “ha! Idiot!” … I clenched up so hard and Darian just had a huge smile as if to say “yeah, I don’t care.” It still makes me laugh to this day. She was right. The rules were stupid. The war was stupid. And George W. Bush was stupid.

She was hilarious. I miss coming to her with really vulnerable questions and having them twisted to give me a lovingly hard time. Darian was the perfect friend to let me know eyeliner was not something I could pull off. I miss watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia with her at Meghan’s house and I miss getting a few pints with her, Meghan, and my cousin Patrick at the Irish Pub we used to go to.

I was so saddened to hear the news of her passing. She was special and the world felt like a better place knowing she was somewhere in it.

I am truly sorry for your loss Meghan, Andrea, Jon, CeCe, Fritzy, and Remy.

I remember the first time I met Darian. It was about 17 years ago. I was on an adult kickball team called the "Yammies", and saw that we had two new members added to our team - Darian and Meghan. We wondered, "are they a husband and wife or brother and sister". Then they showed up. Later on, a guy named Jon Chan joined the team. We played for a couple of years. Many great times and memories. Like many in the league, Jon and Darian got married, had kids, moved on from kickball. But some of us stayed close. I was lucky enough to still call Darian a close friend. With friendsgiving, Christmas parties, Fourth of July, Ski trips, superbowl parties, lunches - always looked forward to seeing Darian (and of course the whole family and friends that were there with her too) again.

Darian was always the craft master. The party organizer. The fun and responsible one. She was ghetto hood and princess unicorn merged together to form one super indomitable woman. Her humor was crude and unapologetic - which is why we got along so well. She was the one you can always count on. The one that's there for you through good times and bad. She was the one to stand up to what she sees as unfair. Fight for the rights for all. She treated everyone the same, with kindness and joy. An incredible mother, wife, relative, and friend.

The world is a little less without her.

Miss you. Mean it.

In Memory of our Beloved Darian. She was an Awesome Mother. Beautiful person inside and out. I will miss her Immensely.

From Lola

Darian, you will be greatly missed. Your kind heart and generosity touched the lives of many, including vulnerable children here in Uganda. Though I never had the opportunity to meet you in person, I heard so much about your goodness through Andrea. You left this world far too soon. May your gentle soul transcend in the light.

— Sam, from Uganda

Darian, you will be greatly missed. Your kind heart and generosity touched the lives of many, including vulnerable children here in Uganda. Though I never had the opportunity to meet you in person, I heard so much about your goodness through Andrea. You left this world far too soon. May your gentle soul transcend in the light.

— Sam, from Uganda

Darian, you will be greatly missed. Your kind heart and generosity touched the lives of many, including vulnerable children here in Uganda. Though I never had the opportunity to meet you in person, I heard so much about your goodness through Andrea. You left this world far too soon. May your gentle soul transcend in the light.

— Sam, from Uganda

I started babysitting Darian when she was just tiny. I loved having a special relationship with Meghan and darian that goes back so far. When my senior class was building the homecoming decorations at my house (next door) Meghan and Darian were constant helpers. Then over the years I loved visits in college and DC.

More recently I have loved spending time as adults (that age difference disappeared) and getting to know her beautiful family.

I will miss you Darian. You have left us too early.

Love Tricia

Darian, you will be greatly missed! The photos you send us every Christmas season, speaks volumes of love and care for you wonderful family.
You were summoned up above, please pray for us the living. Rest In Peace dearest Darian. 🙏🏽❤️

We've known Darian for more than her whole life, and will miss her terribly. For now, adding a few photos, including 2 from Paulina.

The first time I met Darian was in an art class. We had to draw each other, because we sat across from each other. Easy enough. I draw her, and then she draws me. When it was her turn, I pulled a weird face for her to draw.

I never heard the teacher say the activity was over.

I'm sure Darian let me hold this face for a good 10+ minutes after we were supposed to stop. I only stopped when I realized people were packing up. It was the first time I saw her laugh. That's how we became friends.

Your mom was a special lady. We wouldn't have been friends, otherwise. It probably has a lot to do with the way Fritz and Andrea raised her and your aunty Meg -to treat everybody the same, with respect, dignity and compassion, no matter how different they present or their background. Your mom could find humor in almost any situation to distract from awkwardness and find commonality with people. We traded absurdities all the time. It helped us stay grounded. She could also be fiercely loyal, and you'd see it in her eyes, when she was serious about something. I’d like to think, for a time -to each other, we were one of the first people we’d seek out if things ever got funky (which makes this all a bit hard to write now). It's probably because we shared these values, that we were close. We had a special bond (-as all her close friends did, with her). Your mom lived her values out truly. When I had nowhere to go, your mom and family took me into their home -they fed me, made sure I had a roof over my head, and supported me when I needed it. I wasn't the only friend she helped in this way, as others will attest.

I think your mom would've wanted you to know the above, so you'd know (and be reminded of) the person she was, where you come from and maybe her hopes for the person she'd want you to become.

I have so much to say. I'll always have so much to say about her.

Even though the last time we texted was x-mas and our communication was sparse over the years, she was an anchor for me, and I can't comprehend a world without her in it.

I'll see you Dar. Until then, may the wind always be at your back-

love,
Theo

*****************

Theo: What do you think Dar? Too serious? Not serious enough? 

Darian: Ask 'your mom'

[ -is maybe how'd that go, in case you were wondering. And I'll miss it forever.]

Oh dear, dear Darian, your smile, your laugh, those eyes, that delight and love.

I remember even more clearly now meeting you again for the first time with your daughter. You brought her to Sarah’s wedding shower and the pure, playful and delightful love between you was radiating. I remember too thinking what an honor it was to see you now as a mother. It was magical. It was special. I had thought how quickly these two wonderful women, Sarah and Darian, had grown up and had a lifetime ahead of them.

“Dairi queen” was our nickname for you. George has a nickname for everyone and you were no exception! You somehow always embodied that delightful, beautiful, quirky, powerful queen thing you always carried off always perfectly! Always with a smile and a wonderful laugh.

How can you be gone Dari queen, things are not finished? But then again, know we will never forget and always be grateful to have known you!

“May the road rise up to meet you, May the wind always be at your back, May the sun shine warm upon your face, And the rains fall soft upon your fields”. Rest easy and in peace Darian!

Love, Is and George

Your mom, your Auntie Meghan, and I are cousins, and when we were little, we had big family parties at our grama’s house. While your Mimi, Mimi Nina, and Mimi Tudy were cooking in the kitchen, all of us cousins would play in grama's living room.

Now this was not just any living room. This room had green shaggy carpet, wacky whimsical artwork, and two red throne chairs! It was the wildest, most awesome room. We would play for hours in that room choreographing dances, directing plays, and just having fun together.
Due to the presence of throne chairs, we often played games that involved royalty. Me, being the oldest cousin—well, I frequently took the role of queen haha. Your Auntie Meghan and our cousins and my siblings were various other members of the royal household, but not your mom...your mom repeatedly chose to be….....the cat. Yes, the royal cat!

That’s what I love most about your mom—she knew exactly who she was and what she wanted, and she showed up in the world with a true authenticity and confidence that just made her the most awesome, shiniest, rad human to be around. And she was seriously so funny! I mean, the cat?! It’s so Darian!

As an adult, I have always been inspired by your mom. She lived fully, loved hard, and gave generously—from her time to her heart to her laughter. Anyone in her presence felt accepted, loved, and seen. She knew what she stood for and lived in alignment with her values and her heart. She had a spark, a magic, and a grace to her that is absolutely beautiful and rare. I love your mom with my whole heart and will miss her every single day.

I love you Andrea, Meghan, Jon, Cece, Fritzy and Remy.

BREAD. Be Real Energetic and Dance. Sofi Tukker tour in SF last fall. What a silly and fun time!

Sweetest angel Goddaughter 💔

Darian is a whole vibe. She embodies the best of everything, the total package of brains, beauty, and badassery. She is the center of every circle, never lacking in friends, family, or delicious food. I miss you Darian, I miss us, I miss it all. 

Darian and I were thick as thieves during our teens and twenties, neighborhood besties living just a short drive down Bernardo from one another. She influenced me in a lot of ways, introducing me to diverse people, places, and ideas. 

Darian adopted me into her family, not literally there was no paperwork, although she was fit for the task. I felt like the third sister for a time, or at least the second Meg. My favorite moments and memories with Dar were just hanging at home with her family - cooking, eating, laughing, and lounging together. I loved it so much I even moved into their house, but really they were helping me through one of the hardest times in my life. I'm forever grateful to them not just for the help, but for the simple honor of witnessing them. Andrea and Fritz were the most loving couple and parents, Meg and Dar were the most loving siblings and friends. Truly special, truly unique, truly inspiring.

It was also such an honor being one of Darian's bridesmaids, she was the most beautiful bride. I met my husband Ben at her and JC's wedding and a few years later we married on April 29th the day after their anniversary. The start of our love story was more dramatic and problematic than romantic at the time, but Darian is a big part of our love story happening and I think about her every anniversary and always will. Ben and I are still going strong and have a 2.5 year old son Aidan, I wish he had the chance to meet you Dar, I know he would have loved you too. 

I have regrets about our past and regrets about our future. I hoped we would find our way back some day and reconnect as mothers. Dar I love you, you'll always be a part of me. Darian's family - I love you, I miss you, I'm so sorry.

Goodbye my beloved dear one. You were one of the strongest, smartest, most beautiful, and funniest human beings I've ever had the joy of loving and being loved by. My heart is broken, and broken again for your closest ones, Andrea, Meghan, Jon, Cece, Fritzy, and Remy. I am sending you, my dear family, my deepest condolences and love and care, and also two of my favorite photos of Darian in the way I will always see her: emanating beauty and inner light, and laughing. Love love love.

😇 love you angel

Where to even begin...hard to quite capture words to even fully do this justice, but here we go.

I met Darian our freshman year of High School at Saint Francis. Now this mind you was her Baby Spice era (which was fantastic - CeCe, more on this one day but the outfits were everything). Clad in her sky high platform white sneakers, she boasted arguably the most impressive gelly pen collection I'd ever seen, so obviously I knew we had to be friends immediately.

Darian was magnetic from the start - she always had a bit of a mischievous sparkle in those gorgeous blue eyes framed by her even more impressive naturally arched eyebrows, and God knows, they got us into some very fun (and relatively harmless-ish) trouble throughout the years. I can't even tell you how many hours we spent just doing nothing together - at her parent's house giggling under covers, telling secrets, talking about what we wanted to be when we grew up. Thinking back on those moments now, were some of the most precious I'll ever have. I'm so, so grateful.

Darian was absolute magic. She had the sharpest sense of humor ever because she was brilliant, but more than that she was kind. Her heart was enormous - she was accepting, she was empathetic always, she made and held space for quite literally, everyone without judgement and with her whole being. Over the years it's been incredible to see how she brought that to so many people and how she built a beautiful community around her of all different types of people - something we need more of in this world, especially today. She truly redefined what it meant to be a friend and showed all of us how powerful unconditional love can be. We were all just lucky enough to be part of her universe and it's something I will forever be grateful for.

Watching her grow into the mom she was takes my breath away. With her kids she was silly, she brought the fun, she showed the power of make believe. I keep watching videos of her with Fritzy - the most clear and pure definition of a Mother's love that was beautiful. How she connects just even with her glances - those eyes of hers again!

But not only was she an extraordinary mom and wife, she was also a tremendous force of a woman and human being. I'm including a silly photo from high school here that I think brings that to life. Her dressing up, being utterly fabulous (because she was, she really was) and bringing that absolutely unique Dar Bear energy that made you feel like anything was possible, because you had her as a friend.

I'll never forget sitting in the bed of her truck singing together at an AFI concert, scheming at school on benches, doing nothing and everything in the kitchen in Sunnyvale (sampling little bites of every See's Candies without committing), leaving each other ridiculous voice notes even recently (I still have these kids, get ready for me to share one day), frolicking at Annie's wedding in Hawaii (mermaids forever, Annie), all of it.

To her family, she was who she was because of you (especially you Andrea and Sissy). To her babies, she was and forever will be the most incredible mama and we will always be here to talk about her with you. To Jon, what a phenomenal dad you are. To all of you, we're sending you more love than you could ever imagine.

And to Dar Bear, I love you forever and ever. Rest easy, angel. I'll see you in my dreams.