Anet Margot Ris-Kelman

My Memorial Statement on Anet’s Passing
Paul Kirsch

Avatar of Tara | Noble Spirit of Terpsichore | Force of Nature | Performance Artist of the First Water | Tight Rope Walker Between Worlds | Soul on Fire Touched by Blessed Rage


“And you want to travel with her, and you want to travel blind, and you know that she will trust you for you’ve touched her perfect body with your mind”. -Suzanne, Leonard Cohen.

“I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend. But I always thought that I’d see you again.” Fire and Rain, James Taylor

Yo conocimiento tus remolinos. (I know your swirls) [paraphrase from Gloria Anzaldua- Luz en Lo Oscuro]

“The difference between life and death is academic” - Terence McKenna.

I knew Anet for a short time in the late 1980s early 1990s but my memories of our interactions remain vivid and detailed. As others have expressed, in terms of their own experience, she remains a part of my being.

There is a rather large remnant of old world cartography here as will be evidenced in the proceeding images and text.

There is a question of the right approach to the other wordly.

Anet and I met while we were both video artists (a largely forgotten art form that was quite vital at the time) editing in West Hollywood at EZTV. This was before the age of digital video when things were still done with large, expensive 3/4” video editing and playback machines.

Around this time, the Long Beach Museum of Art had a grant to which we both applied (which Anet won— and I did not). And so, due to the competition between peers, we became friends in a somewhat strained if mutually respectful way. ‘Frenemies’ in modern parlance.

I asked her out for dinner at a Thai restaurant in Venice. It was then I learned that we had things in common: transplants from New York, (specifically NYU— I got my BFA there in documentary film; she dance). We knew some of the same people in the independent NY video and dance scene. I had been an assistant cameraman on some dance shoots in the East Village at La Mama. There were also some commonalities of background. I had gone to high school in India and learned sitar and tabla (she mentioned Christopher played sarod); I am of Jewish ancestry, I lean left politically. So there was some connection with these circle of friends, geographical points, values and personal history.

I was starting to see a commonality of temperament: fierce and fragile; intense and sensitive; perfectionist and ambitious; a tendency to go from hyperfunctionality to hyperdysfunctionality.

While both editing at EZTV, she mentioned that she was organizing a show of independent video art in East L.A. at that time.

I went and an unusual thing happened: There were four or so rows of empty metal folding chairs facing towards the screen. While the adults were chatting and mingling, a young black child wondered about. Anet picked up this child and put the child on her lap. I wasn’t clear whether Anet knew the mother, perhaps so. The child’s mother was around and didn’t seem to mind and the child was relaxed and unphased. The image stuck indelibly in my head and I did a folk art painting of it.

This image and a number of non-ordinary events and attempts at capturing them visually could have come directly out of Breton’s surrealist novel, Nadja.

Anet had a way of shifting your thinking. I’ll call these little, rapid, verbal exchanges ‘pivots’.

I had a very tiny apartment. I invited her over for a meal. As I was preparing the meal in the kitchen part of the studio apartment I asked if she wanted to help. She started swiftly cutting onions into very, very fine bits; the intensity a little scary. As I was pouring glasses of apple juice, I spilled some and awkwardly went to clean it up. She responded with something like: ‘Poise, not perfection, is what matters’. (There’s something in the wisdom of a dancer in this remark).

Pivot.

I think at some point here toward the end of the meal, she asked me point blank, “What do you want?”

I then rather foolishly blurted out what I did not want: “Intellectual intimacy”.

But I did also mean “intellectual” because of what I felt were indeed a number of similar aesthetic interests.

Angry: ’No, emotional intimacy is more important than intellectual intimacy’ or words to that effect, she said very directly.

Pivot.

A kind of checkmate on her part of which there were many, powered by her intensity.

Walking outside after the meal she said, “If you want to get to know me, you’ll have to learn how to play.” Paying close attention to Every. Word. She. Said. —As one always did when listening to Anet, I said: “What do you mean?”. She thought a moment and said coolly, “Like play paddle ball at the beach.”

Pivot.

The next morning, first thing, as the local toy and gift shop owner was opening the door with her key, I bought wooden paddles and a ball. Around noon in the glaring sun we played a very brief (~8 minute) game of paddle ball on Venice beach. She left quickly.

Pivot.

Randomly, or perhaps not-so-randomly, as I was walking her back to her car, I mentioned a line in a book I had been reading that was popular among the young cognoscenti of the time, Physical Culture. The line went: “She [the character in the book] said things that could be interpreted two ways and didn’t mean either.” (I felt that this was a parallel to Anet’s thinking and again I blurted it out, with a little less thought than I should have.

But she was intrigued and asked what the book was about. I told her it was about a masochist. She was very interested in the book and said she would get it. I regretted bringing it up.

Rapport not being there between us at that moment and ignoring abundant social cues, I went ahead and told her of an idea I had, gagging on my words as I spoke from the push/pull of things.

I said that she had a striking face and asked if I could take her picture. I felt there was a legitimate rationale here given our common interest in photography/videography. I wanted to experiment with dark green filters and black and white film, a visual effect I had seen that creates a nice high contrast, old-time look to images. I suggested we meet at the Bronson Canyon caves the next Saturday mid-morning. I was surprised when she agreed. On Friday evening, I picked up the equipment from a camera rental store. (cont'd)

Liebe Anet, wir sind sehr traurig, dass du nicht mehr bei uns bist. Du warst meine 1. Cousine und da ich keine Geschwister habe, warst du immer wie eine Ersatzschwester für mich. Gerne erinnern wir uns an deine Besuche hier in Küsnacht und bedauern es sehr, nur noch telefonisch Kontakt mit dir gehabt zu haben. Wir werden sicher noch oft an dich denken.
Monika und Thomas Ris

Rest in Peace my dearest Anet and may the cosmic dance be the best everlasting part! ❤️👍✌️

To my dearest Anet Margot, You carved out space for us to dream, process, cry, vent, ideate; while you listened. You held your tiny theatre for my sadness and my joy, a stage for my voice to be heard. Always generous, creative and compassionate, my neuro-d-sister triggered spontaneity and sparks. I will cherish our memories of traveling the Yucatan, performing across Los Angeles, cycling over Portland's waterways, and making friends with a local squirrel colony. Though we only met a few short years ago, your effervescent energy and signature dance moves tether me to your soul forever 💕